Meet Sarit - Conversation 01

Welcome back {{first_name}} - I had fun dusting off my editing cap to get things rolling. I’ll keep toying with them as I go to make ‘em better. (including the viewing experience;)

I had the pleasure of working with Sarit for a short season in an early stage construction tech startup in 2022. He and I connected shortly after I posted about leaving my most recent role. That was what seeded the initial idea to do a bunch of these. This clip is comprised of two following conversations we had, where we discuss AI fatigue, parenting in the digital age, and more.

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My wife and I find ourselves with a high school senior about to graduate and head across the country for college in the fall. It's every ounce of exciting, stressful, emotional, and fun you can imagine. He's a really good time, wicked sharp, and wired about as differently from me as you can get. My natural bent is reserved, quiet... generally unfussy. Meanwhile, this kid's got personality, volume, and energy that will enter a room 10 seconds before his body does.

He's 6'7" with even larger expectations, hopes, and dreams. And at only 17, he's already lived through drama, trauma, and excitement I couldn't have fathomed at his age. Given how much life has changed between my school era and his, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's still ahead for him as the world speeds up.

I've read that by the time your child turns 16, they've already learned everything from you they ever will. After that, it's preference management and interpretation. As he's spending more time planning to enter his freshman year of college, I find myself thinking about myself at that age. I don't know if it's more for him now or for me then, but I've had a significant realization:

That old adage that goes "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it"... is wrong. Based on my experience, I'd ballpark it closer to 3% and 97% respectively.

I know, I know. My eyes are rolled so far back in my head after hearing myself say it, too. It was honestly one of the most annoying things I ever heard at the time. I don't know why – maybe it was unwillingness to release control.

Hmm... yep. Ok, now that I’ve typed it, I can confirm the gut reaction. It was all about control. I’ve spent enormous amounts of effort all through life desperately trying to control things. It’s the curse of those with creative wiring (see: perfectionist, idealist, micromanager). Being able to control the process, output, circumstances, environment, context, result, etc. all feel necessary. And when I can’t, I’m usually left with a nagging sense of incompleteness or failure. (see: worry, doubt, dread) Simultaneously, I also spend a lot of time worrying about things out of my control. (see: value, other peoples expectations, world affairs, etc)

That’s an awful lot of energy spent in a lot of unhelpful directions.

I admit, there’s obviously a line that exists somewhere between acceptance and apathy, and I think most people assume the later is what’s happening when someone forfeits control. But the true capacity for radical acceptance (Bill & Dave’s term) is something on the level of a superpower today.

Something else I've been holding onto lately, is that while my destination is largely out of my control (from where I stand, at least), getting to the next bend isn't. It's a lot easier to accept things when we remove their power of permanence. For me, this has been helpful making the reality of the 97% more feasible.

Historically, when I've put a mental flag on the horizon, I've decided "that's where I have to get." In theory, it sounds fine. But the way I've experienced it has given that destination the power rather than the journey. I've started ventures doing the mental calculation that "one day my equity will be worth $X and then this will be worth it". This may shock you, but I've found out that for 99% of people, the equity is never "worth it." So what do we do when that realization comes that we can’t control the share price? Resent and panic (so I’ve heard).

"We’ll have $Y in savings before we hit 45" Oh really? Not if every appliance and piece of core infrastructure in your house decides to bite it within 5 years of moving in. So, now what do I do with that lack of $Y which I know can't control, but told myself I had to? Fret the fuck out (rumor has it).

Examples are everywhere

Imagine that no matter what’s happening in political theater, you're still able to function and spend all your full energy and focus building the best life for you and your people that you're capable of.

Imagine that no matter what the metrics are after it’s done, you still create the greatest piece of work possibly can because you have a vision that excites you, and you’re completely capable of it.

Imagine watching a Chicago Bears game when Caleb Williams throws an interception, and you manage not to have full body meltdown, deregulating the entire household. (Ok, had to end on a fun one to bring it back to my kid bc this is my newsletter and he’s an easy target)

But honestly, who can’t relate to watching a professional athlete and feeling like they have some dominion over the result? It’s the epitome of not having control but being completely shaped by the outcome. And it’s 100% emotion, not reality.

It is HARD. The opening quote I picked from Thoreau was compelling because I think it becomes more attainable once we get over this hump. “Advancing” no longer becomes about controlling but about flowing. At some point it has to become practice.

My challenge for him, and for myself, and I guess for you… is to figure out how to release the things we can't control in favor of spending that energy on the things we can—moving in the direction we're committed to or passionate about. How much further can we get investing our best in the 97% instead of wasting it on the 3%?

I’ve got some ideas for myself I’m working on. Let me know if you do too.

-Justin